Hmm…let's see here. What all has been going on. It's day five of the Master Cleanse Diet, and I do not like it at all. I feel weak, sluggish, and hungry and my blood sugar is all over the place. I know a lot of it has to do with stress. I've been working on a home theater system for my grandmother as well as trying to get the cabinets built, so I'm talking to two different A/V stores and installers and the cabinet builder. I don't think the cabinet builder is listening to me and my grandmother will not listen to me either. My grandmother wants the fireplace mantle lowered 4 inches and that's beginning to interfere with building codes. When I mention something the builder never just says "ok sir, well do it your way." He always disagrees with me and then makes his arguments against my ideas to my grandmother. Now we are in the middle of getting this built, and I see a lot of mistakes being made…but there's nothing I can do about it. I say "this," and he says "that" to her. I point out a mistake he's making and he wants to increase the price $200. I mean it's just one bullshit thing after another. In the end, I think it's going to look wrong. I'm a very visual person and my grandmother is anything but. Also, I tend to be a perfectionist and when things don't go the way I want them to go, or there is something still not right with a situation, it bugs me to death. I think this is to blame for my sugar problems last night and today. I'm really stressed out. The solution to all of this stress is really simple yet almost impossible for me to implement in my life. This is her house, and her money, and she can do whatever she wants to do. I have done everything she has asked me to do. I have gone over to talk with the builders, we disagree. I have picked out and negotiated a very nice home theater system and now she can decide if she wants to spend the money. I need to just back off and let her take it from here. If she needs to ask me something…I can answer her questions. But emotionally I need to detach myself from this whole project. I am trying to do that now, but it's hard. But that's the direction I want to take for the rest of the evening. Just stop thinking about it. I have several other things I want to do with my time than sit around and worry about something which I have no control over. Not my strong suit, but I'm gonna give it the good ole college try.
Man, five days with no food. Amazing and I am wondering if I'll be able to make it to the end. I get a little dizzy sometimes when I stand up to fast. So things are really getting interesting. This evening I plan on reading about different religions. I want to briefly look at Catholicism, Judaism, Islam, and Protestant and orthodox Christianity. I've got a lot of questions about all the different religions. So it should make for some interesting reading. Sometimes though…the more I find out, the more questions I have—impossible! Maybe in a few days I'll calm down. I go from feeling completely mellow and relaxed to being an emotional basket case. Right now I'm a little in between.
I've also been spending a lot of time watching YouTube videos and I've made a few since my last post. What else…I think that's about all I can think of for now.
I just need to chill the hell out.
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